woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
