Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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