I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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