i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
