Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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