Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
