I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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