bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
