i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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