every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
