I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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