you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just want nice things and good sex
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
