Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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