a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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