just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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