i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
