I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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