I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
