She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
