I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
