And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i've created a new STD.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
