being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
