I'm pants shitting drunk right now
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
