I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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