If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i out mim tonsoeep
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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