wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
