Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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