Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
