how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
