I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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