her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
