I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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