God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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