Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
