I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
