she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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