Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
