The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
