Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
