You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
