I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
