This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
