I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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