She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
