you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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