Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
