she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
