i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
