If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
