Whod you bang
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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