SEEEEXXX PLEASE
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
