nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
