I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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