Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
