I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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