she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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