all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
