About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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