It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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