you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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