Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
