i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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