i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize