I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
should my penis look like a turkey
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
