I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
