Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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