It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
