You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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