Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A+ Viking dick
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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