I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
