I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
