Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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